What to Do When Your Child Won’t Talk About Their Feelings

It’s every parent’s wish to connect with their child, especially on an emotional level. But what happens when your child refuses to talk about their feelings? It’s a heartbreaking scenario many parents face. Whether they avoid sharing when they feel sad, angry, or overwhelmed, it can be difficult to bridge the gap and help them feel understood.

This is where the mind-body connection plays a key role. A common misunderstanding that we love to debunk is that children suppress their emotions, thus avoiding talking to their parents about how they are feeling. But this is typically not the case! Children are not born with feelings, they are born with sensations. These sensations, typically caused by stress, can show up as physical signs such as stomach aches, headaches, or disrupted sleep. Helping your child recognize this connection can be a powerful step toward emotional awareness. Teaching them how their stress and sensations affect their body can make it easier for them to identify and talk about what they’re feeling. 

This blog explores why kids might “hide their feelings,” how to create a safe space for dialogue, and practical techniques—rooted in the mind-body connection—to build better communication and emotional development. With patience, empathy, and the right strategies, you can help your child have a better understanding of their own physiology, which inherently helps them open up and grow emotionally. 

Understanding Why Children Don’t Open Up

There’s no one-size-fits-all reason why children may struggle to talk about their feelings, but understanding potential causes is a crucial first step. 

1. Lack of Emotional Vocabulary

Remember, children are not born with feelings. They are born with sensations! Because of this, children don’t inherently know how to name their emotions. They may know common words such as “Happy” and “Sad” but it’s one thing to learn to say a word and it’s another thing to know what it means and how it connects with the sensations they experience. Additionally, there are more nuanced or difficult emotions, like frustration or embarrassment, that can be harder to articulate. Without being connected to the messages from their body and without the right words to describe them, it is common for kids and teens to stay quiet rather than attempting to explain. 

2. Fear of Judgment

Kids might worry about how parents or other adults will react if they share their feelings. They may fear punishment, ridicule, or simply disappointing someone they care about. Even with the best intentions, adults sometimes dismiss or overshadow a child’s emotions, making them hesitant to bring it up again. The best way to avoid this as a parent is to listen with curiosity and notice when you have a strong reaction to something your child shares with you. 

3. Past Negative Experiences

Sometimes, a child’s hesitation stems from past experiences. For example, if they’ve been brushed off with “Don’t cry, it’s not a big deal,” they may internalize the belief that their emotions aren’t important or shouldn’t be shared. 

4. Difficulty Regulating Big Feelings

For some children, the feelings they experience are so overwhelming that they don’t know how to process them, much less communicate them. Oftentimes big feelings like anger or sadness manifest as behaviors like tantrums or social withdrawal. 

By recognizing these underlying reasons, it makes it easier to approach your child’s behavior with curiosity and compassion, the ingredients to a strong parent-child relationship. 

Creating a Safe Space for Communication: The Brain-Body Connection 

Kids are more likely to share their feelings when they feel safe, supported, and free from judgment. A big part of fostering this environment is understanding the brain-body connection and how emotions show up physically. 

1. Be Present and Attentive 

When you give your child your full attention, it helps regulate their nervous system. Eye contact, a calm tone of voice, and your presence send signals to their brain that they are safe and supported, which encourages open communication. 

2. Reflect Their Feelings 

Emotions like fear, anxiety, or frustration often manifest physically—such as a racing heart or tense muscles. By reflecting back their feelings, you help them connect what’s happening in their body to their emotions, making it easier for them to process and manage their experiences. 

3. Normalize Big Feelings 

Remind your child that big emotions are a natural part of being human! It’s perfectly normal to not feel happy all the time and “off days” are simply a sign for us to listen to the signals of our body. The brain and body are always working together, when one is off it is always linked to the other! For example, explain how the brain’s “alarm system” activates during stress, but helping their body calm down can help bring it back to balance. Sharing your own experiences can help them see that these feelings are normal and manageable. 

4. Encourage Without Forcing 

If your child isn’t ready to talk, give them space while also offering tools to help regulate their body, such as deep breathing or taking a walk. This can help their brain calm down and make it easier for them to open up when they’re ready. 

Understanding the brain-body connection is key to creating a safe, supportive space where kids feel comfortable expressing themselves.

Techniques for Encouraging Communication

Building emotional skills and teaching your child to express their feelings doesn’t happen overnight, but there are plenty of strategies you can begin using today.

1. Use Open-Ended Questions

Instead of asking yes-or-no questions, try open-ended ones like, “What was the best part of your day?” or “What did you notice after your teachers said that to you?” This invites them to expand on their thoughts and reflect more on the situation. 

2. Try Creative Outlets

Some kids communicate better through play, art, or writing than through direct conversation. Try journaling exercises, drawing activities, or pretend play to help them express themselves in a creative and non-verbal way.

3. Utilize Movement

A feelings chart with visual cues can help younger children learn to name and identify their emotions. It’s often easier for kids to point to “angry,” “sad,” or “excited” on a chart than to vocalize it themselves.

4. Practice Active Listening

When your child does open up, make them feel heard. Paraphrase what they’ve said and reflect it back. For example, if they say, “I had a bad day at school,” respond with, “It sounds like your day at school was really tough. What happened?”

5. Teach Problem-Solving Skills

Once your child shares their feelings, help them work through their challenges. For example, if they feel upset because of a conflict with a friend, brainstorm steps they can take to resolve the situation.

Recognizing Non-Verbal Cues

Children don’t always communicate their feelings verbally, but their body language and behavior can often tell you what’s going on. Pay close attention to these signs and use them as opportunities to open a dialogue.

Look out for:

• Withdrawal: If your child isolates themselves from friends or family, it might indicate sadness or overwhelm.

• Changes in Appetite or Sleep: These can be signs of stress, anxiety, or other emotional struggles.

• Outbursts or Tantrums: Sudden anger or frustration may point to deeper feelings of helplessness or being misunderstood.

When to Seek Professional Help

While many emotional hurdles can be addressed at home, there are times when professional intervention is the best step forward. Consider seeking help from a therapist or counselor if:

• Your child’s feelings or behavior are interfering with their daily life (e.g., not wanting to go to school or withdrawing from friends and family).

• They seem unable to manage their emotions, even with your support.

• You notice signs of anxiety, depression, or unresolved trauma.

  
  

Working with a child therapist can provide your family with tailored tools and strategies to build emotional resilience and connection.

Helping Your Child Open Up is a Journey, Not a Destination

Helping your child talk about their feelings takes time, empathy, and consistent effort—but the long-term benefits for their emotional well-being are immeasurable. By creating a safe space, teaching them to name their emotions, and showing them they’re supported, you’re helping them build vital skills for managing emotions in a healthy way.

At the end of the day, your love, patience, and willingness to listen play the most important role in fostering an open line of communication. But you don’t have to do it alone. If you think your child could benefit from additional support, reach out to us at Child Therapy Center LA. Our experts are here to help you and your child thrive.