What to Do When Your Child Is Bullied: Supporting Safety, Confidence, and Emotional Recovery

No parent wants to hear that their child is being bullied. When that moment arrives, it can feel like the ground has shifted beneath your feet. Your protective instincts kick in, your heart races, and suddenly you're faced with questions you never wanted to ask: How do I help my child feel safe again? What should I do about the other kids involved? How do I even know if what I'm doing is helping?

Take a deep breath. You're not alone in this, and there are concrete steps you can take to support your child through this difficult experience. As a therapist who has worked with countless families navigating bullying situations, I've seen firsthand how parents can become powerful advocates for their children's recovery and emotional well-being.

The reality is that bullying in schools affects far more children than we'd like to admit. According to education statistics, students from middle school through high school report experiencing various forms of aggressive behavior from their peers. But here's what I want you to remember: while you can't control what happened to your child, you absolutely can influence how they heal from it.

Understanding What Your Child Has Experienced

Before we dive into action steps, let's take a moment to understand what bullying really looks like. Bullying isn't just physical aggression—though physical bullying certainly occurs and can be devastating. Many school-aged children experience relational bullying, which includes spreading rumors, social exclusion, and emotional manipulation. There's also verbal bullying, where kids are called names or subjected to hurtful comments. And increasingly, students report experiencing cyberbullying, including rumors or hurtful comments posted online through social media platforms.

What makes bullying particularly harmful is the power imbalance involved. This isn't just kids being kids or a normal conflict between peers. Bullying behavior typically involves someone with more social status, physical strength, or perceived power targeting someone they see as vulnerable.

When we look at the data, we see that bullying affects students differently based on various factors. Female students often experience more relational aggression, while male students more commonly report physical bullying. Hispanic students and Asian students each face unique challenges, and students who are perceived as different due to sexual orientation or other characteristics may be particularly targeted.

Recognizing the Signs Your Child Needs Extra Support

Sometimes children don't immediately tell their parents they're being bullied. They might feel ashamed, worried about making things worse, or concerned about disappointing you. Here are some signs to watch for:

• Changes in behavior or mood: Your typically happy child seems withdrawn, anxious, or unusually emotional. They might have trouble sleeping or experience changes in appetite.

• School avoidance: They suddenly don't want to go to school, complain of frequent stomachaches on school days, or ask to be picked up early.

• Social withdrawal: They stop talking about friends, avoid social activities, or seem to have fewer peer relationships than before.

• Academic changes: Their grades drop, teachers report behavioral changes in the classroom, or they seem less engaged with schoolwork.

• Physical symptoms: They come home with unexplained injuries, torn clothing, or missing belongings. Frequent headaches or stomachaches—especially on school days—can also be your child’s nervous system signaling stress before they have words to explain what’s wrong.

  
  

Remember, these changes don't automatically mean bullying is occurring, but they're worth investigating with curiosity and compassion rather than alarm.

Your First Steps: Creating Safety and Connection

When you discover your child has been bullied, your first instinct might be to immediately contact the school or confront the other child's parents.

While these actions may eventually be necessary, your child's immediate emotional needs should come first.

• Start with connection: Before anything else, make sure your child knows you're on their team. Say something like, "I'm so glad you told me. You were brave to share this with me, and I want you to know that none of this is your fault."

• Listen without immediately problem-solving: Ask open-ended questions like, "What was that like for you?" or "How are you feeling about all of this?" Resist the urge to jump into solutions. Your child needs to feel heard and understood first.

• Validate their experience: Acknowledge how difficult this must be. You might say, "That sounds really scary" or "I can understand why you would feel hurt by that."

• Reassure them about safety: Let them know that you're going to work together to make sure they feel safe at school. Don't promise things you can't control (like "this will never happen again"), but do promise your ongoing support.

  
  

Once your child feels heard and supported at home, you can begin taking steps with the school to make sure they feel safe there too.

Working with Your Child’s School

Most schools have policies about bullying, and teachers and school staff are typically required to respond when bullying is reported.

• Document everything: Keep detailed records of incidents, including dates, times, locations, and the names of any witnesses. Take photos of any physical evidence like torn clothing or injuries.

• Contact the right person: Usually, you'll want to start with your child's teacher or the school counselor. For more serious situations, you might need to speak directly with the principal or school superintendent.

• Be specific about what you need: Rather than just saying "something needs to be done," be clear about your expectations. Do you want the school to investigate? Do you need increased adult supervision in certain areas? Should your child be moved to a different class?

• Follow up: Don't assume that one conversation will solve everything. Schedule follow-up meetings to check on your child's progress and ensure the school is following through on their commitments.

Supporting Your Child's Emotional Recovery

Bullying can have lasting effects on a child's emotional well-being, self-esteem, and physical health.

The good news is that with the right support, children can not only recover but can actually develop greater resilience and empathy.

• Focus on nervous system regulation: Bullying can leave a child’s nervous system stuck in fight, flight, or freeze. Gentle sensory-regulating activities—like deep breathing, rhythmic movement, or cozy, grounding textures—help their body return to balance.

• Notice their body cues: Bullying often shows up somatically—tight shoulders, a clenched jaw, or a stomach that “hurts” before school are all signs their body is holding stress. Naming these sensations gently (“I notice your shoulders feel really tight right now”) can help your child feel seen and begin to release tension.

• Rebuild their sense of safety: Predictable routines and extra physical comfort help restore that sense of security, which is essential for rebuilding confidence.

• Strengthen their social connections: Help your child maintain friendships outside of school. Arrange playdates, enroll them in activities where they can meet new friends, and encourage relationships with family members who can provide additional support.

• Address any academic concerns: If your child's grades have suffered, work with their teachers to create a plan for getting back on track. Sometimes children need accommodations during the recovery period, such as extra time on assignments or permission to eat lunch in a safe space.

  
  

As your child begins to feel safer and more supported, you can also help them build the confidence and skills they need to handle future challenges.

Building Long-Term Resilience

While we can’t prevent every negative experience our children might face, we can help them develop the skills and confidence to handle difficult situations. This doesn’t mean teaching them to "fight back" or to "just ignore it"—advice that’s often ineffective and can sometimes make things worse.

• Teach them about their body's signals: Help your child understand how their body tells them when something doesn’t feel right—a tightness in their chest, a knot in their stomach, or a feeling of wanting to run away. Recognizing these signals early means they can get help sooner.

• Practice releasing tension together: Once they notice these sensations, show them simple ways to help their body feel safe again—like shaking out their hands, stretching, taking slow belly breaths, or pressing their feet into the ground. These small somatic practices help their nervous system shift out of fight-or-flight and build confidence in handling hard situations.

• Practice assertiveness skills: Role-play scenarios where your child can practice using a confident voice to set boundaries. Practicing while calm helps their nervous system "rehearse" what it feels like to respond rather than react when emotions run high.

• Expand their support network: Make sure your child knows about all the adults they can turn to for help—teachers, school counselors, family members, and family friends.

• Focus on their strengths: Remind your child of what makes them special and unique. When children have a strong sense of their own worth, they’re less likely to internalize negative messages from bullies.

  
  

When to Seek Professional Help

Sometimes, despite your best efforts, children need additional support to recover from bullying experiences.

Consider reaching out to a mental health professional if:

• Your child continues to show signs of anxiety, depression, or trauma weeks after the bullying has stopped

• They’re having persistent sleep problems or nightmares

• Their academic performance doesn’t improve with time and support

• They’re engaging in concerning behaviors like self-harm or talking about not wanting to be alive

• You’re feeling overwhelmed and need guidance on how to best support your child

  
  

A therapist who specializes in working with children can help your child process their experiences, develop coping strategies, and rebuild their confidence. They can also provide you with tools to support your child’s ongoing emotional well-being.

Moving Forward with Hope

Discovering that your child has been bullied can feel overwhelming, but children are incredibly resilient. With the right support, most kids not only recover but often develop greater empathy, stronger friendships, and increased confidence in handling difficult situations.

Your role as a parent isn’t to fix everything or prevent every challenge your child might face. Instead, your job is to be their safe harbor—the place they return to for comfort, guidance, and unconditional love. When you provide that steady presence, you’re giving them the foundation they need to heal and thrive.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed or need additional support for your family, consider reaching out to professionals who specialize in helping children recover from difficult experiences. At Child Therapy Center of Los Angeles, we help children not just recover from bullying but rebuild nervous system safety and confidence so they can thrive socially and emotionally.

Remember: you’re a good parent, and seeking help when you need it is one of the best things you can do for your child. Book a Thriving-Child Strategy Call today. Together, we can help your child not just survive this experience, but emerge from it stronger and more confident than before.