Understanding and Addressing Low Self-Esteem in Teens
- kendradelahooke
- May 6
- 9 min read
Updated: Nov 20
For many teens, adolescence can feel like a series of never-ending challenges. From figuring out new friendships to juggling schoolwork and discovering who they are, the teen years can be tough. On top of it all, low self-esteem often sneaks in as a quiet but powerful issue. It can impact daily life, shaking their confidence, affecting relationships, and taking a toll on mental health.
In this blog, we’ll dive into what causes low self-esteem in teens, how to spot the warning signs, and share practical tips for parents, teachers, and therapists to help young people build a stronger sense of self-worth.
What is Low Self-Esteem?
Low self-esteem is when someone has a negative view of their worth or abilities. For teens, this can look like feeling they’re not good enough—not smart enough, attractive enough, or capable enough. These thoughts can ripple through every part of their life, shaping how they see themselves, interact with others, and make decisions.
What We are Getting Wrong about Low Self-Esteem
Notice how the above definition includes the word FEELS. Many people assume that self-esteem is related to how you think about yourself or perceive yourself in the world. But the truth is, it’s rarely just about a teenager’s thoughts—it’s about their lived experience in their body.
Why? Because feelings live in the body, not the mind! That’s why Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) isn’t our first-line approach at CTC LA. Thoughts do matter, but they often follow how a teen feels physically. When we help a teen feel safer and more regulated in their body, positive thoughts naturally emerge. This shift builds self-esteem, confidence, and lasting emotional wellness—from the inside out.
Why is Self-Esteem Important for Teens?
During adolescence, self-esteem serves as a foundation for mental health, emotional resilience, and decision-making. A child's self-esteem can influence everything from their academic performance to their relationships with family and friends. Teens with high self-esteem are more likely to develop self-confidence, take on challenges, and bounce back after setbacks. On the other hand, low self-esteem can lead to negative effects such as mood disorders, anxiety, depression, and even eating disorders. Therapy can be a powerful vehicle for change for preteens and teens looking to increase their sense of self-worth and well-being so they can thrive in high school and beyond.
Common Causes of Low Self-Esteem
Sensory Processing Differences
As we mentioned above, a teen who feels well-rested, happy, and healthy in their body typically doesn't struggle with low self-esteem. It's the teens who have a physical challenge that tend to struggle to "fit in" and feel included. The sensory system plays a KEY role in adolescence and is not talked about enough! We used to think that only children on the spectrum have sensory issues, but now we know that every single human on the planet falls somewhere on a spectrum of how they process the five sensations of sight, sound, touch, taste and smell. One way we support the sensory system of our teen clients is by supporting a specific sensory channel such as balance by utilizing weighted blankets or movement in session to increase regulation in the body.
Physical Challenges, Including Autoimmune Disorders, Allergies, or Gut Issues
This is a sneaky culprit of low self-esteem but it makes so much sense! Think about a time you didn't feel well but had to be in a social setting with others. Let's say you were fighting a cold or had a stomach ache and you did your best to socialize but it was extremely challenging to actually enjoy yourself. This is what happens to teenagers who have an underlying physical challenge but the problem is that is invisible! Instead of a teenager being able to say, "Hey, I don't feel well today and need some extra support," what we typically see is anger outbursts, mood swings, and a withdrawal from activities. This is why at CTC we look BENEATH the surface of a behavior to really understand what is going on to cause these challenging behaviors or confidence issues.
Body Image and Societal Pressures
Teens are inundated with unrealistic beauty standards from social media, movies, and advertisements. Constant comparisons to photoshopped images or influencers’ highlight reels can skew their perception of their physical appearance. Social media only complicates this issue by rushing an unfathomable amount of images to their brain, only heightening this unrealistic expectation.
Academic Performance and New School Stress
The pressure to achieve high grades or consistently perform well can be overwhelming. Poor academic performance, or even the fear of failing, can lead to feelings of inadequacy. This is as important as ever to recognize, especially for teenagers with ADHD as we are learning it's not that they "struggle in school," it's that the school struggles to adapt to their unique wiring, differences, and needs that need to be met so they can flourish.
Being Over-Scheduled
An exhausted body is an insecure body. A well-rested body, is a confident body. Kids who have too many demands on their schedule tend to struggle with low self-esteem not because they don't think they are good enough, but because their body is signaling "help!" This is where it's critical to find a therapist who takes a body-up approach otherwise a more traiditional therapist might skip their schedule altogether and go straight into teaching coping mechanisms, which simply would not address the root issue.
Negative Self-Talk
Ok, so by now you understand I'm not a big fan of this one but it is important we sneak this in here. The way teenagers talk to themselves is huge and therapy can be an amazing place for a teen to develop critical skills to talk to themselves in a kinder, more compassionate way. What's important to point out here is that typically, kids talk to themselves the same way their parents talk to them. This is why we assess how parents talk to their teen at home, because focusing on this piece first might give us answers as to why a teenager is struggling with self-confidence! For example, if parents are always asking their teen, "Clean your room!" "Load the dishwasher!" "Try harder!" Their internal voice is likely going to be harsh and critical.
Relationships and Social Dynamics
Challenges in making and keeping friends can hurt a teenager’s sense of belonging. When teens feel excluded or face negative comments from peers, it can intensify feelings of self-doubt. Therapy for teenagers in Santa Monica is a place where therapists help kids learn the basic foundations of building health, sustainable relationships with everyone in their lives. This includes better relationships with siblings, friends, teachers, and parents!
Family Dynamics & Financial Hardship
Teenagers are sponges. They simply absorb the emotions and feelings in the room. We frequently remind parents that you can't hide your struggles, teenagers are incredibly perceptive and will be able to FEEL if something is off. This is why taking care of your own mental health and well-being as a parent always comes first. We also see a lot of teens who overhear many comments their parents make about money. These comments only exacerbate low self-esteem as a teenager can't help but feel responsible for the financial burden their parents are experiencing. Being mindful of your own energy, feelings, and comments as a parent of a teenager goes such a long way.
The Impact of Low Self-Esteem
Unchecked, poor self-esteem in teenagers can manifest as serious behavioral and emotional struggles that last throughout middle school and high school. At Child Therapy Center of Los Angeles, our teen therapists are dedicated to helping teens build a solid foundation of emotional literacy so that they don't just survive college, but they thrive in college and beyond. If self-esteem challenges go unchecked, more serious and complicated challenges may arise, such as:
Mood Disorders: Depression and anxiety are strongly linked to low self-esteem.
Eating Disorders: A distorted self-image often leads to harmful eating habits and body dissatisfaction.
Social Withdrawal: Teens might avoid social situations, feeling as though they don’t fit in with friends or “other kids.”
Poor Decision-Making: Low self-esteem can lead to risky behaviors or an unwillingness to try new skills out of fear of failure.
How to Identify Signs of Low Self-Esteem in Teens
It's important that we all work together (parents, educators, and therapists) to observe potential warning signs of low self-esteem in teenagers and advocate for the care they deserve.
Emotional Indicators
Frequent sadness or tearfulness
Unexplained irritability or frustration
Expressions of feeling "not good enough"
Behavioral Indicators
Avoiding social situations or isolating at home
A lack of interest in once-enjoyed activities like hobbies or sports
Poor academic performance or reluctance to participate in class discussions
Physical Indicators
Changes in eating habits, such as overeating or skipping meals
Sleep disturbances, including insomnia or sleeping excessively
If any of these signs are noticeable to you, it may be a good time to seek professional guidance to help your teen feel better equipped to handle life's struggles. Not sure if your teen will benefit from therapy? Book your Thriving-Child Strategy Call today to learn if your teen is a good candidate!
Strategies to Improve Self-Esteem in Teens
The good news is that self-esteem can be built over time. And there is a lot you can do outside of therapy to start building a beautiful, sturdy foundation of confidence! Here’s how you can help teens foster self-worth and self-confidence:
1. Model Self-Acceptance and Self-Compassion
Teens follow how you are and what you do, not what you say. If you want to have a deep, lasting impact on a child, pay attention to your own behaviors, not simply telling them what to do. For example, if you want your teen to feel more confident, it's important to ask yourself if YOU feel confident in your own skin. We know this inquiry can be challenging, but it's an essential first step towards lasting change.
Retrain their Brain
The saying, "What we focus on, expands," is true! If we constantly redirect a teen's behaviors or point out where they can improve, they will inevitably develop low self-esteem because they'll never feel good enough. On the contrary, if we point out where they are "winning" or keep discussing the happiest or funniest parts of their days, this will naturally help their brain shift from "Something is wrong with me" to "Something is right with me." You can also encourage them to practice positive self-talk, such as replacing “I can’t do this” with “I’ll try, and it’s okay to ask for help.”
3. Build Confidence Through Achievements
Help teens set realistic goals so they can experience success. Whether it’s learning new skills, trying hobbies, or participating in soccer games, every small win contributes to self-confidence. Celebrate their efforts as much as their achievements. This isn't about making them feel good all the time, but it's more about helping them practice placing their awareness on topics that make them feel empowered.
4. Foster Healthy Relationships
Support teens in nurturing relationships that make them feel good about themselves. This can look like celebrating a new friend they made or even celebrating how they stood up for themselves in a tricky situation! Keeping the conversation open and encouraging at home is also a great way to build emotional support and trust for the entire family.
5. Seek Professional Help
Sometimes, finding a really great therapist is essential for unpacking and addressing the root cause of low self-esteem. Our teen therapists use a wide range of techniques, including therapies such as DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy,) EMDR for teenagers, drama therapy, art therapy, brainspotting and mindfulness practices that help teens shift into a state of safety in their body, increase their window of tolerance, and lern to tackle any negative thought patterns that get in their way of thriving. While teens are experiencing the benefits of therapy, we work closely with their parents to make sure the entire family is on the same page and practicing the new strategies that help the entire family return to a state of joy.
The Role of Parents and Educators in Supporting Self-Esteem
Because a safe, supportive relationship is the ultimate driver of positive mental health in kids and teens, parents and educators play a pivotal role in shaping a child’s self-esteem. Here’s how they can help:
Create a Safe Space: Offer plenty of opportunities of connection and check-ins, which remind a teen they are seen, safe, and valued. These little moments go a LONG way in helping a teen develop confidence and resilience.
Model Healthy Behavior: The next time you tell a teen to do something, first stop and ask yourself if you are able to do it yourself. Although humbling, it's an important reminder that teens are paying attention to what we do, not what we tell them to do.
Encourage Body Positivity: You can't teach a child to love their body, but you can model how to do it and hope they catch one! Bring more awareness to how you treat yourself, your body and the decisions you make around food. This will have a direct positive impact on a teen's ability to accept themselves and make good decisions for their life.
Listen Actively: When teens express their struggles, it's important that they feel heard and validated. It can be tempting to rush in with solutions, but before you do this, give them the space to express themselves. This is a great time to practice reflective statements such as, "I hear you!" "I see you, and I got you."
Focus on Growth: Remember, we want to build neural networks of connection, not correction! Helping teens remember the good parts of the day is an incredible brain activity that they can practice for a lifetime.
Helping Teens Build a Lasting Sense of Self-Worth
Regardless of how you are connected to a teen, whether you’re a parent, educator, or therapist, remember that you play a critically important role in their life. Helping them build self-worth isn't a quick fix, but it is entirely possible when you focus on developing a safe, joy-filled relationship with them. One of the best outcomes of strong self-esteem is building a strong foundation for the challenges ahead, and this is what we love doing with our clients.
If you’re concerned about a child’s self-esteem and want professional support, Child Therapy Center LA is here to help. Our team of compassionate professionals is dedicated to identifying the root cause of a young person’s struggles and helping both children and parents thrive. Book a Thriving Child Strategy Call today!