Starting a New School: Helping Your Child Adjust

Starting with a new teacher or attending a new school can feel like standing at the edge of a diving board—exciting for some kids, but terrifying for others. As parents, we want to be that steady voice saying, "you've got this," while also honoring that this transition might feel really big for our child.

The truth is, most kids will feel some level of anxiety about school changes. But here's what I want you to know: your support during this time isn't just about getting through the school year—it's about helping your child develop the emotional tools they'll use for life.

After working with hundreds of families navigating school anxiety, I’ve learned that the most effective approach isn’t about “fixing” your child’s worry. Instead, it’s about understanding what their nervous system is telling us and responding with the right kind of support.

Let me share what really works when school feels difficult for your child.

Understanding School Anxiety: More Than Just First-Day Jitters

School anxiety goes beyond typical nervousness about a new classroom or teacher. While most children experience some butterflies, school anxiety involves persistent worry that interferes with your child’s ability to attend school comfortably or engage in learning.

Unlike the excited nervousness a child might feel before a field trip, school anxiety often includes physical symptoms like stomachaches, headaches, or difficulty sleeping. These aren’t just “in their head”—they’re real signals from your child’s nervous system that something feels unsafe or overwhelming.

Some children develop school anxiety due to social concerns, like worry about making friends or fear of being judged. Others struggle with the school environment itself—the noise level, fluorescent lights, or unpredictable schedule changes can feel overstimulating to a sensitive system. Academic pressures, fear of failure, or past negative experiences can also play a role.

The key thing to remember? Your child isn’t choosing to feel anxious. Their body is responding to a perceived threat, even if the situation seems manageable to you.

Recognizing When Your Child Needs Extra Support

Sometimes school anxiety shows up in ways we don’t expect. Your typically social child might suddenly become clingy at drop-off. Your independent student might start asking for constant reassurance about homework. These behavioral changes are important communications from your child’s nervous system.

Watch for signs like:

• School refusal or morning meltdowns

• Increased irritability, especially on Sunday nights or Monday mornings

• Trouble sleeping or eating

• Regression in skills like toileting or independent play

Instead of worrying, stay curious. These shifts aren’t signs of stubbornness—they’re signs that your child’s nervous system is seeking safety.

Creating Safety at Home: Your Child’s Emotional Charging Station

Think of your home as your child’s emotional charging station. When school feels unpredictable or overwhelming, coming home to calm, predictable rhythms helps their nervous system recalibrate.

This doesn’t mean you need a picture-perfect routine. Even small changes can help:

• Dim the lights when they get home

• Offer a consistent after-school snack

• Reduce screen time during the week to create more space for regulation

Most importantly, validate what your child is experiencing. Try saying:

“I can see that school feels really big right now. Let’s figure out how to help your body feel safer.”

And remember, your nervous system sets the tone. Children don’t just hear our words—they feel our presence.

Communication That Actually Helps

The way we talk to our children about their school struggles can either fuel anxiety or help them feel supported.

Instead of “How was school?” try:

• “What was the best part of your day?”

• “What’s one thing that made you smile?”

• “Was there anything tricky today?”

Listen for what’s underneath their words. “I hate school” might really mean “I felt lost and overwhelmed.”

Try using metaphors or playful language:

“If your worry had a weather forecast, what would it be today?”

“What color would your school feelings be?”

These tools help children give shape to their inner world—and help you better understand what they need.

Partnering with Your Child’s School

Your child’s teacher and school counselor can be powerful allies. Don’t wait for a full-blown crisis—reach out early.

You might say:

“My child is adjusting to some big changes and showing signs of anxiety. I’d love to work together to support them.”

Share what works at home—movement breaks, sensory tools, or slower transitions. Most educators are eager to help when they understand what your child needs.

If anxiety continues despite supports, ask about involving the school counselor or requesting an evaluation. Sometimes learning differences or sensory processing challenges are part of the picture.

Practical Strategies That Actually Work

Here are a few tools that help anxious kids ease into the school day:

• Predictable morning routines: Wake gently, build in time for slow transitions, and keep steps consistent.

• 5-4-3-2-1 grounding: Name five things you can see, four you can hear, three to touch, two to smell, and one to taste.

• Comfort items: A small note in their lunchbox or a keychain from home can offer big reassurance.

• Previews: Visit the classroom or meet the teacher ahead of time to reduce the unknowns.

These strategies don’t eliminate anxiety, but they widen your child’s window of tolerance—the nervous system’s ability to stay regulated under stress.

When Social Anxiety Makes School Extra Hard

Social anxiety can make the classroom feel like a minefield. Kids may worry about being left out, saying the wrong thing, or facing teasing.

Role-play common situations at home:

• How to join a group game

• What to say if someone’s being unkind

• How to ask for help without feeling embarrassed

Help your child build social confidence in smaller, structured environments like art classes, clubs, or low-pressure playdates.

Knowing When to Seek Professional Help

If school anxiety becomes overwhelming, persistent, or leads to school refusal, professional support can make a big difference.

Therapy can help your child:

• Understand their nervous system

• Develop personalized coping tools

• Process any root causes of their stress

At Child Therapy Center of Los Angeles, we specialize in nervous system-informed therapy that helps kids feel safer in their bodies and more confident at school.

Your Child Can Thrive at School

Watching your child struggle with school anxiety can feel heartbreaking. You might wonder what you’re doing wrong or feel powerless to help. But your presence, attunement, and willingness to support their unique nervous system are powerful tools.

Some kids need more scaffolding than others—and that’s not a problem to fix. It’s just part of who they are.

When we stop trying to push anxiety away and start working with it, we give our kids the gift of knowing: It’s okay to feel what you feel—and I’m right here with you.

Ready to Give Your Child the Support They Deserve?

If you’re feeling unsure about how to help your child through this school transition, you don’t have to do it alone.

Book a Thriving Child Strategy Call today and let’s create a plan that honors your child’s nervous system and builds their capacity to thrive at school and beyond.