What Parents Should Know About IEPs (and Creative Accommodations You Can Request)

Sarah stared at the email from her son's teacher, heart racing. "We need to discuss an IEP for Jake." She’d heard the term before, but honestly? She had no idea what it meant or what came next. All she knew was that her bright, creative 8-year-old was having a hard time feeling successful in school, and she felt completely lost about how to help him.

If you're reading this, you might be in Sarah's shoes right now. Or maybe you're already navigating the IEP process but wondering if there’s more you could do to support your child's unique learning and regulation needs. Here’s what I want you to know: an individualized education program (IEP) isn't just a legal document—it can be a powerful tool to transform your child's school experience when you understand how to use it.

Understanding what IEPs are—and how to advocate for creative, regulation-focused accommodations—can make a big difference in your child's academic success and overall well-being. Let’s walk through what you need to know.

What is an IEP?

An individualized education program (IEP) is a legally binding document that outlines the special education services, accommodations, and modifications your child will receive in school. Think of it as a personalized roadmap designed to support your child’s unique learning, developmental, and regulation needs.

The primary purpose of an IEP is to ensure that students with disabilities receive a free and appropriate public education in the least restrictive environment possible. This means your child should learn alongside their peers in the general education classroom whenever appropriate—while still receiving the specialized support they need.

Every IEP includes several key components:

• Present levels of performance: Where your child is academically and functionally right now

• Measurable annual goals: What your child is expected to achieve within a year

• Special education services: The specific support your child will receive

• Accommodations and modifications: Changes to how your child learns and demonstrates knowledge

• Related services: Additional support such as speech therapy, occupational therapy, or counseling

  
  

This process is guided by the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA), which guarantees that eligible students receive the support they need to succeed.

But what if your child doesn’t need specialized instruction? That’s where a 504 Plan might come in.

IEP vs. 504 Plan: What’s the Difference?

If you’ve heard both terms, you might be wondering which one your child needs. Here’s the key difference:

• IEP (Individualized Education Program): For students who qualify under special education law (IDEA). An IEP includes specialized instruction, services, and accommodations tailored to a child’s unique learning, developmental, and regulation needs.

• 504 Plan: For students who don’t need specialized instruction but still require accommodations to access the general education curriculum. A 504 Plan might include things like preferential seating, extra time on tests, or sensory breaks, but it doesn’t include special education services.

  
  

Knowing the difference helps you ask for the right type of support from the start. If you’re unsure which is the right fit, you can request an evaluation through your school. The team will help determine which type of plan best meets your child’s needs.

If your child does qualify for an IEP, the next step is understanding who will be part of the team working with you to create it.

Who is Involved in the IEP Process?

The IEP team is made up of several key players, each bringing their own expertise to support your child's education:

• Your child's general education teacher

• A special education teacher or specialist

• A school administrator or designee

• A school psychologist or other evaluation specialist

  
  

And most importantly—you. As the parent, you’re not just invited to participate—you’re an essential member of the team. Your insights about your child's strengths, challenges, and regulation needs outside of school are invaluable.

You have specific rights in this process, including the right to:

• Request an evaluation for special education services

• Participate in all IEP meetings

• Review and approve the IEP before it's implemented

• Request changes to the IEP when needed

  
  

Understanding the IEP Meeting

The IEP meeting is where the team works together to develop your child's educational program. The goal is to identify services and accommodations that help your child feel safe, regulated, and ready to learn—not just to meet academic goals.

Here’s what typically happens in these meetings:

• Review of current performance and progress

• Discussion of annual goals

• Determination of services and related supports (e.g., speech therapy, occupational therapy, counseling)

• Planning for assessments and participation in general education

• Transition planning (for students 16 and older)

  
  

As children get older, they may join these meetings to share their goals. You can request that sensitive conversations—especially those focused on challenges—be held separately to avoid creating feelings of shame and to keep their involvement focused on strengths and self-advocacy.

How to Prepare for the Meeting

Your perspective is crucial. You know your child best—how their nervous system responds to stress, what helps them regulate, and what sparks their confidence.

To prepare:

• Bring recent evaluations or notes from outside providers, especially about sensory or regulation needs.

• Make notes about strengths, challenges, and what helps your child feel calm and engaged.

• Think about their learning style and what works best at home.

• Ask for explanations in plain language if you don’t understand something.

• Consider bringing a trusted friend or advocate for support.

Before we dive into accommodations, it’s helpful to understand why your child might be struggling in certain moments—and what their behavior might be communicating.

What Your Child’s Behavior Might Be Communicating

All behavior is communication—and often it’s a child’s nervous system trying to regulate itself. When we look at behavior this way, we can respond with supports that meet the underlying need instead of just trying to stop the behavior.

Here are a few examples:

• Movement-seeking: A child who constantly leaves their seat may be seeking movement to help their body feel calm and focused.

• Sensory sensitivity: A child who puts their head down during noisy group work may be blocking out overwhelming sounds.

• Big emotional reactions: A child who yells or cries during transitions may be reacting to the stress of unexpected change.

• Fidgeting: A child who taps their pencil or uses a fidget may be helping their body stay alert and engaged.

When we view behavior this way, accommodations become tools to help a child feel safe, regulated, and ready to learn.

Creative Accommodations You Can Request

When accommodations are based on what your child’s behavior is communicating, they shift from being simple “classroom strategies” to essential tools that support regulation and learning. Here are some options to consider:

Sensory Supports for Regulation

• Weighted lap pads or blankets for calming deep pressure input

• Fidget toys or stress balls to release energy while staying focused

• Access to a quiet corner or sensory room for breaks when overwhelmed

  
  

Movement Breaks for Focus and Regulation

• Scheduled movement breaks (stretching, walking, or jumping jacks)

• Flexible seating (exercise balls, wobble cushions, or standing desks)

  
  

Nervous System Regulation Supports

• Access to co-regulation tools: a trusted adult for quick supportive check-ins

• Predictable transitions with visual or verbal cues

• Calming strategies built into the day (breathwork, mindfulness, or calming visuals/sounds)

  
  

Assistive Technology for Access and Independence

• Text-to-speech or speech-to-text software

• Visual timers to reduce transition anxiety

  
  

Alternative Assessments for Reducing Stress and Showing True Skills

• Oral exams or project-based assessments instead of written tests

Social-Emotional Supports for Connection and Safety

• Social skills groups for practicing interactions

• Counseling services for emotional regulation and coping strategies

When accommodations are designed with your child’s sensory and regulation needs in mind, they become more than academic supports—they create a foundation for safety, confidence, and meaningful learning.

Advocating for Your Child’s Needs

You are your child’s strongest advocate. The IEP team may be experts in education, but you’re the expert on your child: how their nervous system responds to stress, what helps them feel regulated, and what sparks their confidence.

Here’s how to advocate effectively:

• Share specific examples of what helps and what dysregulates your child.

• Ask for clarity if you don’t understand something—plain language is your right.

• Think beyond academics—transitions, lunch, and recess matter too.

• Collaborate with persistence—approach the team as partners, but stay firm about what your child needs to feel safe and regulated.

• Be mindful when talking about the IEP with your child. Focus on their strengths and how the plan will help them succeed, rather than emphasizing their struggles. This helps avoid creating feelings of shame and keeps the conversation empowering.

When you advocate from this lens, accommodations become meaningful tools that help your child feel capable, connected, and ready to learn.

Building Your Support Network

You don’t have to do this alone. A strong support network helps you stay grounded and confident through the IEP process.

• Connect with other parents who’ve been through the process for practical advice and encouragement.

• Seek professional guidance from child development specialists, therapists, or special education advocates who understand regulation and sensory needs.

• Remember your role—you know your child’s nervous system best. Sharing that knowledge is one of the most powerful ways to make an impact.

The goal isn’t just academic progress—it’s helping your child feel safe, regulated, and supported so they can build confidence and a positive relationship with learning.

Creating Lasting Success for Your Child

The IEP process is about more than academic benchmarks—it’s about creating an environment where your child feels safe, understood, and supported as their whole self. When we recognize that behaviors are often a child’s nervous system working hard to find safety and regulation, we can respond with empathy and the right accommodations rather than trying to “fix” them.

Your child doesn’t need to change to fit into the system—the system needs to adapt to support your child’s natural way of learning, growing, and regulating.

As your child grows, their needs may shift, and their IEP should grow with them. Staying curious, engaged, and collaborative helps keep those supports meaningful.

When children feel safe, regulated, and understood at school, they don’t just succeed academically—they build trust in themselves, discover their strengths, and develop a love of learning that lasts a lifetime.

If you’d like support navigating this process, we can work together to help your child feel safe, confident, and ready to thrive—both in and out of the classroom.  Book a thriving child strategy call to get started.